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Unlike black women who struggle against the current of the apparent man shortage, searching for eligible candidates is not an arduous task for black men, and never has been. Studies show that for every available man, there are at least seven single, willing and able Black women who are ready to be signed, sealed and delivered to the first derivable and desirable bachelor who crosses their path. Black men can just about have their pick when it comes to choices in the dating arena. Not to mention, online dating in the last 5 years has even widened their circle of choices to national and international possibilities. Still, fewer and fewer are choosing to date black women.
When observing the condition of our intimate interaction, African Americans are no longer interested in courting, dating or harvesting the patience essential in the process of selecting the appropriate partner for our lives. To piggy back off of that point, many of us men especially – in the African American community are slowly becoming more and more apathetic to concepts of relationships and marriage, let alone entertaining courtships with someone with the same color skin. Percentages of Black men and women dating outside their races have increased significantly over the last decade. More so now than ever, it has become more common to see a Black man with a white woman (or non-African American) on his arm. Though black women are no longer sitting around waiting on her black savior to come to his senses, as they have also begun testing the waters of alternative nationalities, the reasons as to why successful black men are not choosing black women once they reached the top remains a mystery. What is it about black women that compel black men to choose differently when it comes to dating?
As dating preferences should no longer be relevant in this day and time, conversations shared between men and women indicate that we as a race are puzzled to some degree as to why we are no longer interested in each other. Have we become bored? Is the sex more engaging with women who are not black? Are we intimidated by women who can take care of themselves and/or are we turned off by women who hold a strong sense of independence? Or is it something as simple as, interracial relationships provide for more amusing discussion over candlelight dinners or vacations to exotic resorts? Are we no longer going against the grain and finally succumbing to the innate intrigue of gravitating towards and attaining something that is different? Or are we running from self hatred that is mirrored in the eyes of our black women.
Recently, first-time filmmaker, Erik Gordon, held a screening of his documentary, Why Do Black Men Date White Women at the High Museum of Arts Hill Auditorium in Atlanta, Georgia. His angle was to pack up his camera and microphone, trek the streets of downtown Atlanta and boldly ask willing participants the question that became the title of his first film. Though much like this article, Gordon created this project to provide insight on what once was considered taboo, which has now become a social trend that no longer provokes reaction (other than a few disgruntled black women). Gordon explains, “It’s basically keeping it real and addressing the stereotypes. It’s a battle between the sexes within the race. It has to do with white women, but it’s more about the bond between black men and black women.” (Gordon is currently working on another documentary entitled, The Reality of Marriage).
It’s not surprising that men have banned together in appreciation for the project that illustrates exactly why more brothers have been inclined to choose dating outside their race. To say the least, there were some women on the other hand who were not as receptive. “A lot of Black Men are Dumb” I think it’s so funny when I see or read about these black male celebrities getting ripped off by these white women. They marry them, have kids, then in less than 2yrs the white woman is divorcing them, and walking off with half of everything like that wasn’t her plan from jump street. And just to think, they call black women Gold Diggers,” one female stated in response to Gordon’s project. Another says, “My friend told me he dates white girls because they give no hassle and that they are more practical for him….PRACTICAL?!! Some black men are using white girls and its not fair on the white girls at all who think these black men actually like them” he said that getting a white girl is easy p^ssy,” says another.
The list of possibilities in our search for understanding can go on forever. Thus, I conducted surveys with 5 African American males in efforts to dispel some of the negative myths created by Black women, and possibly gain true insight as to the lack of intimate camaraderie we have with them. The objective is to illustrate issues relating to our interaction or lack thereof – with black women, and not necessarily what white women do for black men that black women don’t. Listed below are the top 10 out of 50 reasons why Black men find it hard to date Black women: